Tales of the Zumba Husband pt.1

It only LOOKS like every mans dream!

          Today I speak on ZUMBA.  I used a bright font color simply to bring forth more attention to how.....*tapping on skull*..........invigorating, provocative and shady it is. Yes, shady but, more on that later. Right now I'll like to contribute to the cause and say how GREAT ZUMBA really is, because quite honestly, it is. It energizes your soul and increases your self worth as a person again, as well as opens you up to new people and experiences or at least that what other people have said in their testimonies.  My wife is an ecstatic teacher that I believe tortures her students into overtraining syndrome.  She makes it look fun and easy and enjoyable but, they're dying inside so I don't do it. Why?

The Discomposed Son

Like Father, Like Son.......unfortunately!!

     

          Any one who claims they never wanted to be important is clearly lying to you, themselves and others, or they are not human.  I didn't actually meet my biological father until I was well aware of myself and what I was capable of.  I was a sixteen year old over-eating athlete that would make any supermodel jealous. I could eat four hotdogs fully loaded with the greatest of toppings shared with a medium fry and go to football practice and still only be 175-lbs of lean muscle. I didn't have to work hard at being physically fit. From what all of my coaches said, I should have been fitter. My mother was a high school track star, and my older brother was benching 350-lbs his freshman year of high school and took pleasure in bowling over guys, inevitably giving one poor bastard a seizure. True story!
          I thought to myself at night, "NFL or NBA here I come!"  My brother was a ladies man, and still focused on sports.  I never had a girlfriend and figured, hell, I'd get one and I'd be fine. Well, things didn't work out like I planned. And as I'm going through my mother's lock box, I notice a picture of some guy standing beside her. Scary part is this guy looks just like me, immediately assuming, "This is why I look like a creature from Narnia!?!?" 

Oh my Damn!

          So when my aunts advised me that this was "possibly" my father, I wasn't surprised.   They tried to turn this into a Lifetime movie and sit me down at the dinner table and inform me of what happened, how when my mother died she wanted them to raise me. Thanks mom, you turned me into a human experiment---let's raise a man that can think see the intent of a woman----like a tomgirl...or joangirl, whatever.  Either way I turned out fine, but now I needed to meet this guy and figure out what cool traits I inherited and if he was a lady's man, if he could run faster or jump higher than I were able to at that time. Weeks go by and we finally set up a time and I go out to meet him.
          I won't lie, I was estatic about the whole situation, this guy was a super hero in my mind.......until I met him.  He had a slight limp from the past from when his dog broke his leg while feeding him, had a Steven Seagal slick back hairdo and a mean gap between his teeth.  Devastating!!! 

If this is your father.....smh!

          Time went by that day and I asked if he played sports, "No!"  Do you like sports, "No!"  Do any of your brother's play sports, "Nope!"  F**K!!!!!!!!  I was baffled, where did my athleticism come from? My brother, wasn't my real brother---he was my cousin and my father was unclassified.
          There's nothing interesting in this post simply because I had to lay down some ground work so that we can avoid all of the subtle introductions on the next posts.  Just wanted everyone to know that this moment in my life was utter bullsh*t!

Review: The Devil Inside

"The Devil Inside"

          Alright, this is my first review as far as being published goes, but I'll make this quick, painless and fairly simple. No big triumphant words to make you scour the countertop for a dictionary but, enough about that, let's get to the review.

          Set in 2009, it's a "fake documentary" -- umm....something like "Cloverfield Meets Exorcism of Emily Rose" -- about a daughter searching for answers.

5 Awesome Ways to Kick The Bucket

             I'm sitting in front of this normal size screen thinking about my normal seeming job contemplating my normal day that's about to transpire, wondering when will it end. I thought it was supposed to happen in October.....wrong....I've ........we've survived yet again another "apocalypse" predicted date, CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE!!!! Harold Camping, is now one of many self-proclaimed geniuses that realized that he's not any more special than Nostradamus and those who interpret his dreams more than they should. I won't lie....when I saw the video of his speech, I became worried, he's rather compelling in his efforts and the first step to make everyone believe in you: Is to believe in yourself......

              But this stirred some neurons in my brain and had me thinking (rare, actually). If i were to bite the big one, how would it happen. Furthermore, how would I want it to happen......hmm?